Why Do I Keep Thinking About What People Think of Me?

Ewan Nicholson
Mar 18
2 min read

Do you find yourself stuck thinking about what people think of you? Replaying conversations, imagining reactions, going over it again and again?

It’s exhausting. And somewhere inside, you probably know it’s not really helping. But it’s not something you can just switch off.

So what’s going on?

What It Looks Like

This can be small, like a slightly awkward moment with a stranger that you can’t stop thinking about.

Or more personal, like something in a relationship where you feel judged. Then your mind takes over. Imagining what they think, what you should say, how to fix it.

It feels important. But often, it’s more imagination than reality.

Why This Happens

This isn’t a flaw. It’s a strategy you learned somewhere along the way.

Usually, it traces back to a sense of uncertainty in relationships growing up. Not knowing where you stood. Not feeling fully secure, seen, or accepted.

That can come from:

Things that shouldn’t have happened (invasion)
Things that were missing (abandonment)

And from that, a feeling develops:

“I’m not sure I’m okay as I am.”

The Move Into Thinking

Before the thinking starts, there’s usually a feeling:

I’m not enough
I might be rejected
Something’s wrong with me

And instead of staying with that, the mind steps in.

It starts analysing, anticipating, trying to stay ahead.

In a strange way, the rumination becomes a kind of safety. As long as you’re thinking, you don’t have to feel that deeper discomfort.

Why You Can’t Just Stop

Because the thinking isn’t the problem. It’s the coping mechanism.

At some level, it gives relief. Even if it drains you overall.

So, trying to think your way out of it just creates more thinking.

What Helps

Two directions:

1. Inner child work. There’s a part of you that felt uncertain or unseen. The work is gently reconnecting with that, and being present in a way that maybe wasn’t available before.

2. Mindfulness: Learning to notice thoughts without getting pulled into them. Rebuilding the ability to stay with your experience instead of escaping into thinking.